Friday, 30 November 2012

Kamu itu..?

aku bingung mau anggep kamu apa.
temen? kamunya kayak gitu..
mantan? aku gak mau nganggep kayak gitu -_-
gebetan? aku gak 'segitunya' ngegebet kamu
musuh? jelas tidak
terus apa...?

aku cuma tau kamu yang ada di hati aku, kamu adalah orang yang spesial buat aku dan aku cinta sama kamu.. itu aja..

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Haha :'D

Satu lagu dari Memes. Lagu lama sih.. Zaman aku masih kecil. Tapi liriknya lumayaaaaann nyeesss.. Haha :'D

Terlanjur Sayang (By Memes)

Segala cintaku yang kau jala
Membawa dirikupun percaya
Memberikan hatiku
Hanya kepada dirimu slamanya
Sampai kapan jua
Menjaga sgala rasamu
Agar dirimu selalu merasa
Akan cinta kita

Apakah diriku yang bersalah
Hingga pisah di depan mata
Tetapi diriku masih
Tetap cinta kamu kasih slamanya
Sampai kapan jua
Menjaga cinta kita
Agar tetap di tempatnya sehingga
Takkan sampai punah

Seribu ragu yang kian menyerang
Tapi diriku terlanjur sayang
Walau arah mata angin melawan
Tapi ku bertahan dan kuberjalan
Sambil berkata kaupun menanyakan
Mengapa cinta dipertahankan
Tetapi haruskah dipertanyakan
Bila ku terlanjur
ku terlanjur sayang

Because You Don't Wanna Know

Hey.. I... I.... (miss you so much.. how about you? Last night I had a dream about us. It reminds me about our old days.. I thought it was real, but apparently, it's just a dream.. :') I miss you so much..)
uhm.. I..

Sunday, 25 November 2012

last night

I just told you on the Google chat ( I don't even know why I did that) :
"hey, wanna know something 'stupid'? I tried to hug you last night before I went to bed..ha.sorry"
just like that.

and now I feel like shit.

Saturday, 24 November 2012

maybe this what happens

but in my version, before that "I had a lot...", I would add "Maybe" because even though there might be some reasons to give up on you, I found more reasons to stay.. but you didn't

Friday, 23 November 2012

ask myself

do I really 'need' to move on?
I mean, I don't even brokenhearted or sort of that..
I have my heart here, still in a big piece, and your name's written on it..
it still yours and still whole.. undamaged..
only I feel incomplete, because you're not here anymore..

I think the words 'move on' is needed to do when the heart's been broken.
well mine's not.

I am alone now, with the fact that you left me, it makes me sad,
I still wish that we could be together again,
I cry almost over night, and having you stuck on my head every seconds..
but do I really 'need' to move on?
do I have to move on?


I really would keep what makes me smile, but unfortunately, it left me..
what to do then? :'(

The Disney Princess In Me

Well, there it is..

I deeply fell in love with you, an adventurous guy, when I was 16, just like Ariel fell in love with Eric, even how much my parents don't like you..
and guess what? I was like Jasmine, who doesn't care if you're not a wealthy prince, because I love you.
And I don't even care if you're not that handsome, because I love the inside of you, I love you for who you are, just like Belle loves Beast.
You always wake me up with your kiss, as if I'm Snow White
and you can make me secure by wash away all of my nightmares,and when I wake up, I see you're smiling to me, just like Prince Phillip did to Aurora
You saved me from my dull days and that scary house I lived in, makes me feel like I was Cinderella saved by the prince
And I did, followed my heart, like Mulan, and I found you..

But, still, I'm not a princess, and I don't wanna be, except you're the one who's gonna be my prince

but something that I wish that can happen to us as it can happen to them is just one thing: live together happily ever after

reading this, and..

well, therefore, I'm in love with YOU

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Cher Lloyd - Want U Back

this song's kinda fun, but what's-so-me was just the title.
I mean, the beat doesn't sound like a sad one, but the lyrics shows how she's dying to want him back.


well, some part of this song is a bit selfish, but maybe we just love someone too much and we're sure that we can make them happy, so we want to be with them so badly and can't let anyone else to have them.


2 days, I didn't post. I spent my days laying on the bed, hugging the dolls you gave to me.
I didn't want to do anything, but lying on the bed, waiting for the days to pass.
I cried so much because I miss you, I want to feel you again, but I know if that's impossible.

And your text yesterday, I don't know.. but it makes me feel more awful. then I sent you an e-mail, just to say some stuff that I thought I have to say.

and this morning, I have another thing to say to you
it's a part of The Script's song

"..if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on this world I can be. thinking maybe you'll come back into the place that we'd meet, and you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street, so I'm not moving.."

yeah, even how deep you hurt me, my heart's still wanting you.
it needs you, so I'll wait and not gonna move..
I don't know how long would I stay like this
I just do what my heart wants..

Monday, 19 November 2012

Guess we're not gonna have this on our anniversary

Or "should be" anniversary,
cuz' we're not together anymore now..
still I wish you were here..
Love you Nick


*based on this post

Sunday, 18 November 2012

all over again..

I know that you're not having that Channing Tatum's face. I realize that your parents are not Richie Rich's. And that's totally fine. Do you know why? Because since the first time, I've been so proud of having you, someone who has a brave heart to love me, to protect me, to teach me many things about life, to hug me when I'm cold or scared (even though just by text, cuz' the distance between us was so far), and care about me while everybody else leave me.

I'm proud of having you. I don't need you to be good looking. I don't need you to be rich. I don't need you to be 24/7 by my side (practically). I don't need you to fancy me with stuff. But I'm proud of you because you always be yourself. The truth of who you are. And I love that. And I'm so proud of that. And I'm so damn proud of having you.

But now... *sigh*

believe me, I don't :')

It's True

#DamnItsTrue :'(

Momen di Gereja

Tau gak, Mas? Tadi waktu misa, pas "Bapa Kami", pakai yang Konvennas lho..
Aku jadi inget waktu misa sama kamu.. Soalnya waktu itu aku pertama kali tau "Bapa Kami" Konvennas tuh waktu misa sama kamu di gereja kamu itu..
Aku tadi jadi keinget semua momen waktu kita ke gereja bareng..
Selalu bajunya tanpa sengaja warnanya sama, terus kamu selalu makin ngiming-ngimingin aku dengan nunjukkin anak-anak lucu yang pas minta berkat komuni..

Aku kangen banget sama kamu, Mas..
kapan bisa kayak gitu lagi, Mas? Apa kalau dengan keadaan yang sekarang, kamu masih ada keinginan untuk ngulang momen-momen itu lagi, Mas?

Happy Sunday, Nick..
Berkah dalem, Mas..

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Tick Tock

As the clock's ticking, I'm thinking. Thinking about us. What we've been through, the ups and downs, the laughters and cries. And then I'm still wondering about how you're doing now. Are you okay? For real? Not just that kind of literally okay?

I miss you..
How about you? Do you miss me? Or do you miss US?
I do miss US very much..
but you hate that..

Tonight, I pray to God to protect you. All pieces of you. Your health, your mind, your heart..
how's your heart anyway? Is it still complete? Or does it feel like lose something, just like my heart feels?

I miss your laughter, your smile, your silly face, even your childish anger..
I miss everything about you and everything you did when we're still 'US'.

Will we see each other again? Will you be pleased to see me again? Or will you curse that day if that happen?

Goodnight, Nick..
Sleep tight, have a nice dream, would you?
I still hope that what you did last month was just a joke or a nightmare..


precisely last month, we broke up. you broke us up. and I can't fool myself about how I feel. I'm so damn terribly missing you. I wish you know that, but I don't want you to know that. I'm still scared, 'cuz the fact that I still have this strong feeling about you, makes you hate me more.

I really want to reply your yesterday's text, but I don't know.. I don't feel like I want to do it for real. I don't have the guts. And somehow, I'm afraid that I'd hope more by replying your text.

A few minutes ago, I saw you commented on your friend's status on FB. And I read that you told him that you have so many unlucky things happening around you, and I'm just one of it, and you made it sound like our case was just not that shitty, compared by other problems you through.
I'm so tortured read it. Because I thought, at least you'd be fine after not having me in your life, while the fact's the opposite..
I thought the hunch that I felt about you lately wasn't true. I really wish that I could text you, just to know how's actually you're doing, and what's been happening to you lately, but (yeah, another 'but' ) I don't think you'll be calmed by me. I think you're just gonna get more upset, since you've been trying to push me away lately. I mean, you act like you really don't want me to be in your life ever again in any aspects.
I've tried my best to do what you asked: stay away from you. I did it just to make you feel better ('cuz I think that you ask something that makes you feel more comfortable), while the fact, you're not. There are still many things that bothering you.
I can't see you like this. I want you to be happy, but what can I do when the fact that I still love you and care about you, is something that you don't want to be happen, and when I'm around you it'll bother you more?

aku sayang dan cinta banget sama kamu, Mas.. aku gak bisa menghentikan rasa ini, apalagi untuk gak peduli sama kamu.. Aku pengen bantu kamu, meski mungkin cuma sebagai tempat cerita atau apalah, tapi yang kamu lakukan kemarin-kemarin itu nunjukin banget gimana kamu gak suka ada aku. Andai aku bisa ngelakuin sesuatu.. Apa aja buat bikin kamu ngerasa lebih baik..
I swear.. Anything.. Anything just to make you feel better..
But you don't want me anymore. You just can't stop yourself pushing me away..

just so you know, the fact that you're not fine and I can't do anything about it is way more torturing me than the matter of you pushing me away..

Friday, 16 November 2012

aku cinta banget sama kamu, Mas..
sayaaaaaaang banget sama kamu... :'(
Andai aja malam ini bisa peluk kamu kayak dulu..
I miss you :'(

Afraid List

I'm afraid:

  • that you'll hate me forever
  • that you'll find someone else, without knowing what's exactly you're feeling
  • that you'll ignore me for your whole life
  • that you'll never find out how much you're mean to me
  • that no one's would ever understand how much you're so right for me
  • that I can't have you in my life anymore
  • that I have to live my life without you
  • without you


You text me this afternoon. You said thank's for the present. Well, I'm glad that the package's finally there. I wanted to reply your text, asking whether you've opened the present, since I've written on the tag to open it on your birthday night, but something made me too lazy to do it. I don't know.. Maybe I'm too afraid. Afraid that you'll reply my text, unpleasantly.. Or maybe I'm afraid that you're actually hate the fact that I still sent you a birthday present..
What I know, I just want to sit here, in the darkness and silence, waiting..

Thursday, 15 November 2012

The hands

I remember the warmth of your hands when they're holding mines. It just felt so good, comforted me as well.. Secure, in the same time..

I miss you so much, in every ways..

The names..

Aku kangen manggil kamu "Ayah", "Baby", "Sayang", "Hunnie",  "Aiank", "Buffy", "Onyol".. dan semua panggilan itu.. :''''(((