...

precisely last month, we broke up. you broke us up. and I can't fool myself about how I feel. I'm so damn terribly missing you. I wish you know that, but I don't want you to know that. I'm still scared, 'cuz the fact that I still have this strong feeling about you, makes you hate me more.

I really want to reply your yesterday's text, but I don't know.. I don't feel like I want to do it for real. I don't have the guts. And somehow, I'm afraid that I'd hope more by replying your text.

A few minutes ago, I saw you commented on your friend's status on FB. And I read that you told him that you have so many unlucky things happening around you, and I'm just one of it, and you made it sound like our case was just not that shitty, compared by other problems you through.
I'm so tortured read it. Because I thought, at least you'd be fine after not having me in your life, while the fact's the opposite..
I thought the hunch that I felt about you lately wasn't true. I really wish that I could text you, just to know how's actually you're doing, and what's been happening to you lately, but (yeah, another 'but' ) I don't think you'll be calmed by me. I think you're just gonna get more upset, since you've been trying to push me away lately. I mean, you act like you really don't want me to be in your life ever again in any aspects.
I've tried my best to do what you asked: stay away from you. I did it just to make you feel better ('cuz I think that you ask something that makes you feel more comfortable), while the fact, you're not. There are still many things that bothering you.
I can't see you like this. I want you to be happy, but what can I do when the fact that I still love you and care about you, is something that you don't want to be happen, and when I'm around you it'll bother you more?

aku sayang dan cinta banget sama kamu, Mas.. aku gak bisa menghentikan rasa ini, apalagi untuk gak peduli sama kamu.. Aku pengen bantu kamu, meski mungkin cuma sebagai tempat cerita atau apalah, tapi yang kamu lakukan kemarin-kemarin itu nunjukin banget gimana kamu gak suka ada aku. Andai aku bisa ngelakuin sesuatu.. Apa aja buat bikin kamu ngerasa lebih baik..
I swear.. Anything.. Anything just to make you feel better..
But you don't want me anymore. You just can't stop yourself pushing me away..

just so you know, the fact that you're not fine and I can't do anything about it is way more torturing me than the matter of you pushing me away..