12.12.12

Hei.. hari ini hari spesial kalau kata orang-orang dengan tanggalnya yang serba 12.. Hahaha
Tapi entah deh berlaku untukku atau enggak..
Hari ini seharusnya aku ujian satu mata kuliah utama yang mengandung 6 sks, tapi lantaran sakitku dari semalam tu sakit banget, aku enggak bisa ikut :'( Gak tau deh gimana kabarnya..
Sang dosen udah kuhubungi tapi tak kunjung mengkonfirmasi :(

Dan..aku makin kangen kamu..
pengen rasanya di hari spesial bagi orang-orang ini, aku bisa jalanin sama kamu.. kayak 10.10.10 dan 11.11.11 yang lalu..
sebenernya 09.09.09 dulu aku juga sama kamu kan? meskipun belum jadian sih..hehe
aku kangeeeeeeeenn banget sama kamu..
pengen ngerasain pelukan kamu meski cuma lewat SMS atau telepon..
pengen ngobrol sama kamu meskipun cuma lewat SMS atau telepon..

kamu apa kabar di hari ini?
:')

(should be) 3 years 3 weeks

hey, I just saw 'our' DaisyPath, and it told me that we should've been 3 years 3 weeks beating the distance.. haha
yeah, should've..
good night, Nick..

This Semester Final Exam

Jadi, hari ini, aku mulai Ujian Akhir Semester (UAS). Terlintas di ingatanku, terakhir ngadepin ujian adalah waktu pertengahan semester kemarin. Kamu masih ada, Nick.. dan sesulit apapun soal ujian yang aku hadapin, aku tetep tenang, karena ada kamu. Sekarang? Siapa yang bilang "Met ujian ya.. semangat ngerjainnya..love you"?
Aku takut mau ujian.. Aku gak tenang..
Aku keinget sama UAS semester yang lalu. Kita marahan hampir sepanjang aku UAS, dan aku lumayan gundah, tapi kalau ingat kamu, aku tenang lagi. Hasilnya, nilaiku bagus, tapi kan itu hasil penilaian gak cuma pas UAS, melainkan UTS dan harian, di mana kamu selalu ada di situ. Tapi saat aku bilang ke kamu kalau nilainya bagus, kamu malah bilang "Tuh, kamu bisa kan tanpa aku?". Kamu gak ngerti rupanya. Dan kamu ngomong kayak gitu, itu bikin aku sakit banget, seolah-olah aku jadi bikin kamu salah paham.. :(
Tapi sekarang? selama setengah semester kemarin aku gak ada ketenangan, gak ada kenyamanan. Aku gundah banget. Apalagi sekarang, aku mesti ngehadapin UAS, dan kamu tahu, aku sensi sama ujian. Aku takut, Mas.. :'(
Di mana kamu? Aku butuh kamu selalu, Mas.. :'(
Aku rindu ketenangan dan kenyamanan itu.. :'(

I Love This Show! :')

Lolly Love (TransTV) eps #10 (9 Desember 2012)
"She's The One"

Dimulai 12 Februari 2011, moment Bama dan Naya di danau 'mereka' dan mereka janji buat datang ke danau itu tiap tanggal 12.

Kemudian pertama, 12 Maret 2011, jadi sebuah soundtrack buat mereka, lagu "Lebih Indah" dari Adera. Itu memang benar adanya, setiap liriknya, kata Naya dalam hati :)

Skip ke 12 Juni 2012, Bama mahat nama mereka di tiang kayu di dek danau "Bama <3 data-blogger-escaped-:d=":d" data-blogger-escaped-naya="naya" data-blogger-escaped-p="p">

Suddenly, anniversary 1 tahun, 12 Februari 2012, Naya udah nyiapin semuanya, tiba-tiba nemu sebuah gulungan kertas yang disematin Bama di pahatan nama mereka, tulisan di kertasnya "Lupakan Aku" :'(((

terlintas di pikiran..

kamu inget gak waktu kita jalan-jalan? atau kalau kita makan berdua di luar?
makan apa aja, di mana aja, mau di warteg kek, di warung kek, di mana aja, kita pasti asik-asik aja..
buatku yang penting, ada kamu..
a simple happiness :')

sekarang kamu marah-marah sama aku terus, aku keinget sebutan kita dulu "Beauty and The Beast"
ya mungkin sekarang pun aku harus berlaku seperti Belle, yang tenang dan sabar ngadepin Beast.. :')
haha

Kadang Aku Bertanya..

Kadang aku bertanya "mana hati yang selalu kutunggu untuk pulang ke Jogja yang kami cintai ini, setiap 4 bulan?"
kadang aku bertanya "mana hati yang selalu tenangkanku saat aku gundah?"
kadang aku bertanya "mana hati yang selalu kukhawatirkan kesehatannya dan kondisinya?"
kadang aku bertanya "mana hati yang selalu kurindukan?"

Tanpa membohongi diri sendiri

Aku kangen sama kamu Nick..
kangen pagi-pagi SMS bangunin kamu, terus cium dan peluk kamu..
kangen nanyain "gimana pagi ini? gimana bobonya tadi?"
kangen ngingetin "Jangan lupa makan ya..yg kenyang :*"
kangen mesenin "ati-ati di jalan ya.."
kangen banget ngelakuin hal-hal simple itu cuma sebagai ungkapan seberapa aku perhatian sama kamu, Nick..
salah kah aku ngangenin itu semua?
maaf kalau itu semua salah..

dan terkadang terpikir, sekarang kamu mungkin udah SMSan sama yang lain, mungkin ada yang lain yg sekarang SMSin kamu kayak gitu, aku jadi agak sedih juga..
cemburu, mas..
pengennya aku yang bisa kayak gitu ke kamu..
cemburuku mungkin karena aku terlalu cinta sama kamu, ingin kamu bahagia, tapi karenaku..
ingin kamu ada di hidupku..
entahlah, mas.. aku pengen seneng karena mungkin kamu udah nemu 'yang lain', tapi karena aku juga gak tau kabarmu, aku jadi cemburu..

capek sebenernya merasa kayak gini, tapi sayangnya ini gak bisa dihindari..
maaf ya mas..

All I Want For Christmas... is ....

Q & A

patah hati? enggak
sakit hati? iya

kangen? semacam itu
banget? entahlah

putus asa? enggak tuh
ngalah? mungkin..

masih cinta? sepertinya..
masih ngarep? hahahaha, shit

menunggu? bisa dibilang begitu..
mencari? uhmm..siapa?pengganti?enggak tahu ya.. dia? enggak kayaknya..

jealous? mungkin
marah? sedikit

masih mikirin? ehm sorry, tapi yg bener itu 'kepikiran'. kalo mikirin, sebisa mungkin enggak
kontak? hahahaha lucu sekali

benci? ga mungkin kayaknya
sebel? sejenis itu

second best? uhm..who?
autumn? yeah, maybe.. enough of summer maybe..

And The Doctor Said

I just got home from the doctor. I went to the doctor to find out the real problem of my health..
And it's my father who pushed me to go, so I finally agreed (because actually I don't really like to go to the doctor)
So, after waiting for a few minutes, it came my turn to see the doctor. Her name was doctor Linda (that's what I remembered) and when first she saw me, she thought that the illness was my eyes, because she didn't see them as healthy ones, but I denied her. I mean, I didn't feel any illness there, it's just because I cried a lot and hard to sleep so they looked unhealthy.

And then, I started to tell her what I felt on my stomach. And as the result: I have this GERD. It's a name of a disease that attacks stomach. And this disease gives the patients feel heartburns and some other unpleasant feelings..

I got this medicine that I have to take everyday, maybe for the rest of my life.
and weirdly, I don't feel sad about this. I was kinda happy and grateful  Because by this sickness, I feel like God reminds me that I'm just an ordinary human and I found something to take care of now..

I don't know would I recover from it or not, but I thank God for it :)

Would You Read This?

Ketika Wanita Menangis

Jika seorang wanita menangis dihadapanmu,
Itu berarti dia tak dapat menahannya lagi.
Jika kamu memegang tangannya saat dia menangis,

Dia akan tinggal bersamamu sepanjang hidupmu.
Jika kamu membiarkannya pergi,
Dia tidak akan pernah kembali lagi menjadi dirinya yang dulu.
Selamanya….

Seorang wanita tidak akan menangis dengan mudah,
Kecuali didepan orang yang amat dia sayangi. Dia menjadi lemah.
Seorang wanita tidak akan menangis dengan mudah,
Hanya jika dia sangat menyayangimu, Dia akan menurunkan rasa egoisnya.

Lelaki, jika seorang wanita pernah menangis karenamu,
Tolong pegang tangannya dengan pengertian.
Dia adalah orang yang akan tetap bersamamu sepanjang hidupmu.

Lelaki, jika seorang wanita menangis karenamu.
Tolong jangan menyia-nyiakannya.
Mungkin karena keputusanmu, kau merusak kehidupannya.

Saat dia menangis didepanmu, Saat dia menangis karnamu,
Lihatlah matanya….
Dapatkah kau lihat dan rasakan sakit yang dirasakannya?
Pikirkan….

Wanita mana lagikah yang akan menangis dengan murni, penuh rasa sayang,
Didepanmu dan karenamu……
Dia menangis bukan karena dia lemah
Dia menangis bukan karena dia menginginkan simpati atau rasa kasihan
Dia menangis,
Karena menangis dengan diam-diam tidaklah memungkinkan lagi.

Lelaki
Pikirkanlah tentang hal itu
Jika seorang wanita menangisi hatinya untukmu,
Dan semuanya karena dirimu.
Inilah waktunya untuk melihat apa yang telah kau lakukan untuknya,
Hanya kau yang tahu jawabannya….

Pertimbangkanlah
Karena suatu hari nanti
Mungkin akan terlambat untuk menyesal,
Mungkin akan terlambat untuk bilang ‘MAAF’!!

*A Post By Laku.com at Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/lakucom)

Killing Me Inside

I dreamed about you last night. And sadly, it's killing me now.
Yeah, having a dream about you when I sleep, is now killing me.
When I woke up this morning, I didn't know what I feel. Kinda sad, but kinda frustrated, and a bit of happy that I could 'meet' you in my dream, but that happiness led me to some guilty feelings.
I'm just so fucked up.
I really wish that I could get you out of my head. 'Cuz every time you pop out in my head now, I straightly have this thought about you and that new girl that you know and somehow it tears me apart.
Maybe I'm jealous and kinda disenchanted that you're now like find someone to about replace me and I'm just so far away from you now. I don't even know whether you still have some love left for me? Is there still a little space for me in your heart? in your mind?
Now I kinda want to stop loving you..
*sigh*

A Song That I Might Sing to You If We Ever Meet Again

"Tahu Diri" - by Maudy Ayunda (OST Perahu Kertas)

Hai, selamat bertemu lagi..

Aku sudah lama menghindarimu

Sialkulah kau di sini

Sungguh tak mudah bagiku

Rasanya tak ingin bernafas lagi

Tegak bediri di depanmu kini

Sakitnya menusuk jantung ini

Melawan cinta yang ada di hati

Dan..upayaku tahu diri..

Tak slamanya berhasil

Pabila kau muncul terus begini

Tanpa pernah kita bersama

Pergilah,menghilang sajalah lagi

Bye, selamat berpisah lagi

Meski masih ingin memandangimu

Lebih baik kau tiada di sini

Sungguh tak mudah bagiku

Menghentikan sgala khayalan gila

Jika kau ada dan ku cuma bisa

Meradang menjadi yang di sisimu

Membenci nasibku yang tak berubah

Berkali-kali kau berkata

Kau cinta tapi tak bisa

Berkali-kali ku tlah berjanji

Menyerah....

Dan..upayaku tahu diri

Tak slamanya berhasil

Pergilah,menghilang sajalah

Pergilah,menghilang sajalah lagi...

The Last

Yeah, last night would be the last time I 'stalk' you. I found out that now you have a twitter account. Wow, that's amazing, you know.. since you didn't want to have one, as I remember..
and I read your timeline, and there's this girl that your friend introduced and you kinda like her, especially her smile, right?
I really would happy for you, but I don't know what I'm feeling now..
but it hurts..
I almost couldn't wake from my bed this morning..
I almost pass out at home..
well, what do you care?
I see you're happy know..
congratulations.

Guess What? It's Just SO you!

"First Love" - by Utada Hikaru

Japanese Version

最後のキスはタバコの flavor がした

ニガくてせつない香り

明日の今頃には 

あなたはどこにいるんだろう

誰を思ってるんだろう

You are always gonna be my love

いつか誰かとまた恋に落ちても

I'll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

今はまだ悲しい love song

新しい歌 歌えるまで

立ち止まる時間が動き出そうとしてる

忘れたくないことばかり wou

明日の今頃には 私はきっと泣いている

あなたを思ってるんだろう yeah yeah yeah

You will always be inside my heart

いつもあなただけの場所があるから

I hope that I have a place in your heart too

Now and forever you are still the one

今はまだ悲しい love song

新しい歌 歌えるまで

You are always gonna be my love

いつか誰かとまた恋に落ちても

I'll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

まだ悲しい love song

Now and forever

English Version

Once in a while

You're in my mind

I think about the days that we had

And I dream if this would all come back to me

If only you knew every moment in time

Loving goes on in my heart, just like your memories

How I long here to be with your once more

You'll always gonna be the one

And you should know how I wish I could have never let

you go

Come into my life again, oh don't say no

You'll always gonna be the one

In my heart, so true, I believe I can never find

Somebody like you, my first love

Once in a while

You're in my dreams

I can feel the warmth of your embrace

And I pray that one day you'll come back to me

If only you knew every moment in time

Loving goes on in my heart, just like your memories

How I long here to be with your once more

You'll always be inside my heart

And you should know how I wish I could have never let

you go

Come into my life again, oh don't say no

Now and forever you're still the one

In my heart, so true, I believe I can never find

Somebody like you, my first love

You'll always gonna be the one

And you should know how I wish I could have never let

you go

Come into my life again, oh don't say no

You'll always gonna be the one

So true, I believe I can never find...

Now and forever, you are...

actually, the english version and the japanese one were slightly different in lyrics. and the one that's just SO you is the english version. the whole thing about this song (both version) is about the first love who was a special and forever-will-be the most and the one, but the japanese version was more about she's still gonna move on, while the english version wasn't..

Another Song

3 years ago this song was always reminded me about Jo. Because we had some kinda memories about this song. but now, it was more refers to you.. And every words in this song, just so #DamnItsTrue
But what would you know?

"Puisi" - by Jikustik

Aku yang pernah engkau kuatkan

aku yang pernah kau bangkitkan

aku yang pernah kau beri rasa

saatku terjaga

hinggaku terlelap nanti

selama itu, aku akan selalu mengingatmu

kapan lagi kutulis untukmu

tulisan-tulisan indahku yang dulu

pernah warnai dunia

puisi terindahku hanya untukmu

mungkinkah kau kan kembali lagi

menemaniku menulis lagi

kita arungi bersama

puisi terindahku hanya untukmu

saat kuterjaga

hingga kuterlelap nanti

selama itu, aku akan selalu mengingatmu

kapan lagi kutulis untukmu

tulisan-tulisan indahku yang dulu

pernah warnai dunia

puisi terindahku hanya untukmu

mungkinkah kau kan kembali lagi

menemaniku menulis lagi

kita arungi bersama

puisi terindahku hanya untukmu

Get it?

and this is what I think about lately

Once - "Aku Mau"

Kau boleh acuhkan diriku

Dan anggap ku tak ada

Tapi takkan merubah perasaanku

Kepadamu

Kuyakin pasti suatu saat

Semua kan terjadi

Kau kan mencintaiku

Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu

Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu

Apapun terjadi

Kujanjikan aku ada

Kau boleh jauhi diriku

Namun kupercaya

Kau kan mencintaiku

Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu

Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu

Apapun terjadi

Kujanjikan aku ada

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu

Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu

Aku yang rela terluka

Untukmu selalu

Kamu itu..?

aku bingung mau anggep kamu apa.
temen? kamunya kayak gitu..
mantan? aku gak mau nganggep kayak gitu -_-
gebetan? aku gak 'segitunya' ngegebet kamu
musuh? jelas tidak
terus apa...?

aku cuma tau kamu yang ada di hati aku, kamu adalah orang yang spesial buat aku dan aku cinta sama kamu.. itu aja..

Haha :'D

Satu lagu dari Memes. Lagu lama sih.. Zaman aku masih kecil. Tapi liriknya lumayaaaaann nyeesss.. Haha :'D

Terlanjur Sayang (By Memes)

Segala cintaku yang kau jala

Membawa dirikupun percaya

Memberikan hatiku

Hanya kepada dirimu slamanya

Sampai kapan jua

Menjaga sgala rasamu

Agar dirimu selalu merasa
Akan cinta kita

Apakah diriku yang bersalah

Hingga pisah di depan mata

Tetapi diriku masih

Tetap cinta kamu kasih slamanya

Sampai kapan jua

Menjaga cinta kita

Agar tetap di tempatnya sehingga

Takkan sampai punah

Seribu ragu yang kian menyerang

Tapi diriku terlanjur sayang

Walau arah mata angin melawan

Tapi ku bertahan dan kuberjalan

Sambil berkata kaupun menanyakan

Mengapa cinta dipertahankan

Tetapi haruskah dipertanyakan

Bila ku terlanjur

ku terlanjur sayang

Because You Don't Wanna Know

Hey.. I... I.... (miss you so much.. how about you? Last night I had a dream about us. It reminds me about our old days.. I thought it was real, but apparently, it's just a dream.. :') I miss you so much..)
uhm.. I..
nevermind.
sorry.
bye. 
 

I always want it :')

last night

I just told you on the Google chat ( I don't even know why I did that) :
"hey, wanna know something 'stupid'? I tried to hug you last night before I went to bed..ha.sorry"
just like that.

and now I feel like shit.

maybe this what happens

but in my version, before that "I had a lot...", I would add "Maybe" because even though there might be some reasons to give up on you, I found more reasons to stay.. but you didn't

ask myself

do I really 'need' to move on?
I mean, I don't even brokenhearted or sort of that..
I have my heart here, still in a big piece, and your name's written on it..
it still yours and still whole.. undamaged..
only I feel incomplete, because you're not here anymore..

I think the words 'move on' is needed to do when the heart's been broken.
well mine's not.

I am alone now, with the fact that you left me, it makes me sad,
I still wish that we could be together again,
I cry almost over night, and having you stuck on my head every seconds..
but do I really 'need' to move on?
do I have to move on?

Pheeww

I really would keep what makes me smile, but unfortunately, it left me..
what to do then? :'(

The Disney Princess In Me

Well, there it is..

I deeply fell in love with you, an adventurous guy, when I was 16, just like Ariel fell in love with Eric, even how much my parents don't like you..
and guess what? I was like Jasmine, who doesn't care if you're not a wealthy prince, because I love you.
And I don't even care if you're not that handsome, because I love the inside of you, I love you for who you are, just like Belle loves Beast.
You always wake me up with your kiss, as if I'm Snow White
and you can make me secure by wash away all of my nightmares,and when I wake up, I see you're smiling to me, just like Prince Phillip did to Aurora
You saved me from my dull days and that scary house I lived in, makes me feel like I was Cinderella saved by the prince
And I did, followed my heart, like Mulan, and I found you..

But, still, I'm not a princess, and I don't wanna be, except you're the one who's gonna be my prince

but something that I wish that can happen to us as it can happen to them is just one thing: live together happily ever after

reading this, and..

well, therefore, I'm in love with YOU

Cher Lloyd - Want U Back

this song's kinda fun, but what's-so-me was just the title.
I mean, the beat doesn't sound like a sad one, but the lyrics shows how she's dying to want him back.
well, yeah, I WANT U BACK, I WANT U BACK, WANT-WANT YOU- WANT YOU BACK! URGH!

source

well, some part of this song is a bit selfish, but maybe we just love someone too much and we're sure that we can make them happy, so we want to be with them so badly and can't let anyone else to have them.

Untitled

2 days, I didn't post. I spent my days laying on the bed, hugging the dolls you gave to me.
I didn't want to do anything, but lying on the bed, waiting for the days to pass.
I cried so much because I miss you, I want to feel you again, but I know if that's impossible.

And your text yesterday, I don't know.. but it makes me feel more awful. then I sent you an e-mail, just to say some stuff that I thought I have to say.

and this morning, I have another thing to say to you
it's a part of The Script's song

"..if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and your heart starts to wonder where on this world I can be. thinking maybe you'll come back into the place that we'd meet, and you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street, so I'm not moving.."

yeah, even how deep you hurt me, my heart's still wanting you.
it needs you, so I'll wait and not gonna move..
I don't know how long would I stay like this
I just do what my heart wants..

Guess we're not gonna have this on our anniversary

Or "should be" anniversary,
cuz' we're not together anymore now..
still I wish you were here..
Love you Nick

19.11.12

*based on this post

all over again..

I know that you're not having that Channing Tatum's face. I realize that your parents are not Richie Rich's. And that's totally fine. Do you know why? Because since the first time, I've been so proud of having you, someone who has a brave heart to love me, to protect me, to teach me many things about life, to hug me when I'm cold or scared (even though just by text, cuz' the distance between us was so far), and care about me while everybody else leave me.

I'm proud of having you. I don't need you to be good looking. I don't need you to be rich. I don't need you to be 24/7 by my side (practically). I don't need you to fancy me with stuff. But I'm proud of you because you always be yourself. The truth of who you are. And I love that. And I'm so proud of that. And I'm so damn proud of having you.

But now... *sigh*

believe me, I don't :')

It's True

#DamnItsTrue :'(

Momen di Gereja

Tau gak, Mas? Tadi waktu misa, pas "Bapa Kami", pakai yang Konvennas lho..
Aku jadi inget waktu misa sama kamu.. Soalnya waktu itu aku pertama kali tau "Bapa Kami" Konvennas tuh waktu misa sama kamu di gereja kamu itu..
Aku tadi jadi keinget semua momen waktu kita ke gereja bareng..
Selalu bajunya tanpa sengaja warnanya sama, terus kamu selalu makin ngiming-ngimingin aku dengan nunjukkin anak-anak lucu yang pas minta berkat komuni..

Aku kangen banget sama kamu, Mas..
kapan bisa kayak gitu lagi, Mas? Apa kalau dengan keadaan yang sekarang, kamu masih ada keinginan untuk ngulang momen-momen itu lagi, Mas?

Happy Sunday, Nick..
Berkah dalem, Mas..

Tick Tock

As the clock's ticking, I'm thinking. Thinking about us. What we've been through, the ups and downs, the laughters and cries. And then I'm still wondering about how you're doing now. Are you okay? For real? Not just that kind of literally okay?

I miss you..
How about you? Do you miss me? Or do you miss US?
I do miss US very much..
but you hate that..
:(

Tonight, I pray to God to protect you. All pieces of you. Your health, your mind, your heart..
how's your heart anyway? Is it still complete? Or does it feel like lose something, just like my heart feels?

I miss your laughter, your smile, your silly face, even your childish anger..
I miss everything about you and everything you did when we're still 'US'.

Will we see each other again? Will you be pleased to see me again? Or will you curse that day if that happen?

Goodnight, Nick..
Sleep tight, have a nice dream, would you?
I still hope that what you did last month was just a joke or a nightmare..

...

precisely last month, we broke up. you broke us up. and I can't fool myself about how I feel. I'm so damn terribly missing you. I wish you know that, but I don't want you to know that. I'm still scared, 'cuz the fact that I still have this strong feeling about you, makes you hate me more.

I really want to reply your yesterday's text, but I don't know.. I don't feel like I want to do it for real. I don't have the guts. And somehow, I'm afraid that I'd hope more by replying your text.

A few minutes ago, I saw you commented on your friend's status on FB. And I read that you told him that you have so many unlucky things happening around you, and I'm just one of it, and you made it sound like our case was just not that shitty, compared by other problems you through.
I'm so tortured read it. Because I thought, at least you'd be fine after not having me in your life, while the fact's the opposite..
I thought the hunch that I felt about you lately wasn't true. I really wish that I could text you, just to know how's actually you're doing, and what's been happening to you lately, but (yeah, another 'but' ) I don't think you'll be calmed by me. I think you're just gonna get more upset, since you've been trying to push me away lately. I mean, you act like you really don't want me to be in your life ever again in any aspects.
I've tried my best to do what you asked: stay away from you. I did it just to make you feel better ('cuz I think that you ask something that makes you feel more comfortable), while the fact, you're not. There are still many things that bothering you.
I can't see you like this. I want you to be happy, but what can I do when the fact that I still love you and care about you, is something that you don't want to be happen, and when I'm around you it'll bother you more?

aku sayang dan cinta banget sama kamu, Mas.. aku gak bisa menghentikan rasa ini, apalagi untuk gak peduli sama kamu.. Aku pengen bantu kamu, meski mungkin cuma sebagai tempat cerita atau apalah, tapi yang kamu lakukan kemarin-kemarin itu nunjukin banget gimana kamu gak suka ada aku. Andai aku bisa ngelakuin sesuatu.. Apa aja buat bikin kamu ngerasa lebih baik..
I swear.. Anything.. Anything just to make you feel better..
But you don't want me anymore. You just can't stop yourself pushing me away..

just so you know, the fact that you're not fine and I can't do anything about it is way more torturing me than the matter of you pushing me away..

aku cinta banget sama kamu, Mas..
sayaaaaaaang banget sama kamu... :'(
Andai aja malam ini bisa peluk kamu kayak dulu..
I miss you :'(

Afraid List

I'm afraid:

• that you'll hate me forever
• that you'll find someone else, without knowing what's exactly you're feeling
• that you'll ignore me for your whole life
• that you'll never find out how much you're mean to me
• that no one's would ever understand how much you're so right for me
• that I can't have you in my life anymore
• that I have to live my life without you
• without you

Unspoken

You text me this afternoon. You said thank's for the present. Well, I'm glad that the package's finally there. I wanted to reply your text, asking whether you've opened the present, since I've written on the tag to open it on your birthday night, but something made me too lazy to do it. I don't know.. Maybe I'm too afraid. Afraid that you'll reply my text, unpleasantly.. Or maybe I'm afraid that you're actually hate the fact that I still sent you a birthday present..
What I know, I just want to sit here, in the darkness and silence, waiting..

The hands

I remember the warmth of your hands when they're holding mines. It just felt so good, comforted me as well.. Secure, in the same time..

I miss you so much, in every ways..

The names..

Aku kangen manggil kamu "Ayah", "Baby", "Sayang", "Hunnie",  "Aiank", "Buffy", "Onyol".. dan semua panggilan itu.. :''''(((

Ten 2 Five - Hanya Untukmu

Sebenernya lagu ini mewakili banget perasaanku ke kamu mas, dari awal sampe sekarang, mungkin untuk selamanya..


"Inikah rasanya bilaku sedang jatuh cinta
Setiap hela nafasku bahagia 

Mengenal hatimu hadirkan indahnya dunia
Kau bawa irama cinta di jiwa

Semua yang kumau hanyalah dirimu … satu …
Kaulah jawaban semua doa
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/ten_2_five/hanya_untuk_mu.html ]
Semua yang kurasa rindu dalam asa … didekap cinta …
Hatiku untukmu

Haruskah diriku bertanya pada bintang - bintang
Pantaskah ku mengharap cintanya

Semua yang kumau hanyalah dirimu … satu …
Kaulah pelita di dalam jiwa

Semua yang kurasa rindu dalam asa … di dekap cinta …
Hatiku untukmu

Hanyalah untukmu"

(source)

:'( inside

Aku kangen banget sama kamu, Mas..
tapi aku takut untuk ngungkapinnya..
Mas Nick jaga diri ya..

11.53 AM
*Want to sent the text, but in the end, it stopped on the phone's MEMO

linglung

aku menangis
tanpa raungan, tapi dikuasai isakan
terlalu sedikit untuk bisa dikata banyak, terlalu banyak jika dibandingkan dengan setetes
gelap. tak jelas kenapa, untuk apa
tapi hatiku seperti jantung yang hampir tak bernyawa rasanya..
hentikan semua ini..tolong..

:'|

Aku: Seneng gak sih?
Kamu: Menurutmu?
Aku: Kadang iya, kadang biasa aja..
         lha gimana?
Kamu: ya biasa aja..
Aku: oh..

My Words vs Your Dictionary

I don't think that I ever mention wanted you to stay away, because I don't. I said that I'm not in my capability to have more problems to face. It doesn't mean that you gotta stay away from me. You don't have to stay away, you just have to 'postpone' what we have to argue about. But you got it wrong. It means in different way to you.
And now you blame me? Thanks a lot.

I LOVE YOU

Long-distanced. Stupid fights. Long call hours. Thousand texts. Love songs. Bad-signaled calls. Sweet times. Hopes. Ignorance. Promises. Dreams. Disappointment. Forgiveness. Fried rice &amp; chicken noodle dates. Kisses. Fear of losing. Love is too colorful.

Terribly want this for our next anniversary :3

We ♥ Tazmania Devil

Today I just found that me and Nova, both are fans of Tazmania Devil and we really like to have a really BIG Tazmania Devil doll to be ours someday :)

"I love Tazmania Devil, but I love you more" - to Nick